I haven’t posted in months but here we goooooo
It amazes me how attached I’ve gotten to you; and I’m not sure how much I like that. I’ve become that girl, the one that will constantly go back to the guy that hurts her the most. I feel like hypocrite because I would always yell at my friends for doing what I’m doing now, but that’s just how things ended up. I can’t help myself. Every single time I see you I get those crazy butterflies even though I see you everyday and hang out with you all the time, but I don’t know why I get that crazy school girl crush when I first see you everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I love the feeling of liking someone this much but it just sucks because I know we agreed on not having a relationship since we’re both doing our own thing in the fall. But one thing I don’t like is how bipolar you are. Like we’ll be really good one week and then you’ll refuse to talk to me the next. And the week you don’t talk to me I’m like the most depressed person ever and I hate it. And then you talk to me and be all sweet again and I act as if nothing happened. Stupid, I know. All my friends tell me to move on so I can be happy all the time and not just every other week, but the more they tell me to let go the more I want to hold on… I feel like we’ve been too much to just ‘drop you’ as they would say. So even though I could easily move on to another guy, I don’t want to. I just want you. I’ve just gotten so used to you that I can’t picture myself with anyone else? And I don’t have to try around you which I love because I can be my weird self and you’ll be 10x weirder. And I love how we can just sit in your car or my car in some random parking lot and not even be a tad bit bored. And how our ‘spot’ is in a parking lot. So getting texts that say “Meet at our spot:)” put the biggest smile on my face.
But I have to let go of all of this eventually, since you leave November 19th and just thinking about it the other day brought tears to my eyes. It’s going to be so weird not having you in the same state with me and it just drives me crazy that we’re not even freaking together and I’m like this. It’s whatever though, I’m going to cherish every moment we have and not give up unless you fuck up bad and give me a reason to. I know this is going to hurt me in the end, but I can handle it.
I hope.
/rant
Why would I want to leave the city for college and miss him growing up?
Funny that this popped up on my newsfeed becausee I got a speech like this today!
I’m so sick of all of this college crap. Today, I sat down with my mom and was telling her about how one of my teachers told me I should go to Texas State since it’s like THE school if you want to be a teacher, since I want to be an Elementary school teacher and all. She laughed at me and said “You are “too smart” to grow up to be a teacher.” and that “It’s embarrassing to have to go back to Jordan when I’m older and tell them I’m a teacher because they don’t make good money at all.” But then she gave me the option of freaking driving 47 minutes every day I have class to Texas State since I can’t live on campus. With all that gas money I could probably get a dorm.
I don’t really give a shit if they make a lot of money or not, mom. I love, love, love working with little kids, they’re so cute and fun to be around and they just make my days better. So I’m not going to go be a Pharmacist, Engineer, Architect, or a Lawyer because you don’t want to be embarrassed by me and just because they make a lot of money. NO.
I do feel kind of bad for disappointing you I guess, but you being my mother and all should be supportive of my decision. I’m sick of you trying to tell me what to do with my life. It’s getting old.
Also, you know, being the daughter of strict Arab parents and all, I decided that I’m just going to go to UTSA for college so I’ll be in the city since I’m not really allowed to go out of the city. And I know I’ll be 18 so it’s not their choice, but people really don’t understand and I don’t know how to explain it to them. Like today I got mad at 2 of my best friends for trying to convince me to go to like A&M or some where like that because as I tried to explain why I can’t go anywhere outside of San Antonio, they were giving each other dirty looks about me and rolling their eyes. I mean seriously? Y’all being my best friends since 6th grade should know how my parents are by now and understand why I can’t just leave. And I’d rather listen to my parents and stay home then go against their word and go live 5 hours away and them being mad at me and not even wanting to see me. Family >. Sorry if you disagree. I’m sure I’ll be happy at UTSA, it’s a beautiful campus.
On top of all this deciding, I still have to apply and write essays and do transcripts and look for scholarships. And my parents are on my ass about getting scholarships and it’s -________________-
lovemylife.
/rant
(Source: thatisntverychanel)
(Source: moonlightsidewalk)
(Source: yourcaseof-khlotitis)
(Source: car-show)
